Kelly Radio

Why do guys get a hard-on for fantasy football?

2010-08-21T14:36:00.011-07:00

This time of the year I field numerous requests to be the "Vanna White" of fantasy football drafts. What is my pay you ask? ...... Why Guinness of course....why, what were you thinking?

The guys in my life (bf's, fb's, co-workers, work husbands, what have you) get sooooo pumped up/slightly psycho/definitely feverish around this time of year. It has become apparent that their draft picks for their fantasy league are more important and precious to them than [fill in the blank]. Goobers, they are.

I participated in ONE fantasy football league ONE time, 2006. I was called one sultry Floridian August afternoon and asked by my co-worker if I wanted to play. I protested out of lack of knowledge of the rules, operation and protocol of such an entity but he assured me, "no experience necessary." I'm thinking he's underestimating me :) After having a half hour to be prepare for the dumpy draft and being ridiculed for picking Eli Manning and a defense in early rounds, I ended up winning that year--how thsuper/funny/good times that is. There were numerous reasons I liked playing the oddly addicting beast that is fantasy football but there was one BIG reason I didn't like it that outshone everything else.....it ruined the game for me in a way. It took the fun out of watching on the weekends, rooting for the players and teams I truly liked. Instead I was only cheering for the players I put into my lineup that week. I was wishing physical harm on the players included on my opponent's roster. Worst of all I would be physically ill if I started a player that was doing awful and benched the replacement who was having the best Sunday of his career. I got really into and couldn't take it....I realized that watching football and participating in the season's various festivities had lost its charm and playfulness. It wasn't the same gloriousness and I haven't played since. Besides, I want to keep my record of 1-0.

totes

My New Hat in 5 days or so...

2010-04-19T00:48:00.003-07:00

....will it be a Bills hat? Arizona? Rams maybe?

totes

Heads or Tails

2010-04-06T20:23:00.002-07:00

I have been on both sides of the girlfriend / mistress coin....as a girlfriend, I don't think I was ever cheated on technically but there were times when a beau would start spending more and more time with another member of the female sex and less time with me....it takes alot of self-realization and self-actualization to come to the conclusion collectively that you are just not a match with someone. The last guy I dated, I was with for four months and it took one of those months to break up with him. The guy I was with for 2 years, it took three months to separate from him....I get the whole "tipping over the Coke machine" thing.

I have knowingly been a mistress several times throughout the course of my life but never like this. I knowingly kissed a married man--twice--and then told him I could not do that anymore. I allowed myself to be naked in front of a guy who not only lived with his baby mama but whom I worked with as well. I tried my hardest to stay his friend but ultimately could not overcome my hurt. I hooked up with a guy who I thought maybe had a girlfriend but I went through with it anyway because I really liked him and I wanted to do it. He is getting married to the girl he cheated on this weekend.

Finally, we come to the current situation...this guy totally and completely pursued me and we have shared some amazing experiences over the course of three weeks....I have recently found out that he has had a girlfriend for two years....my heart broke....I didn't know what to do, I was so confused. I still am a little bit but I decided to play the game, play his game....the reason? Because I know this asshole likes me and I haven't connected both mentally and physically to a guy this much in many, many years....perhaps I am being selfish in wanting to keep that feeling around....I hope that I fall out of love with him before he can hurt me I guess....I don't care, I want to play....

Monsoon = no D.U.I.

2010-02-28T20:28:00.003-07:00

Here in AZ, they call rain storms monsoons....I think technically the monsoons are rain storms that occur during the summer months but peeps still refer to them as monsoons regardless of what month it is.

Last night was an awesome one....it made me realize how much easier it is to evade Scottsdale PD when it's storming outside....loves it!

The Second Wife

2010-02-16T19:53:00.002-07:00

For some reason, I have always had the feeling that I am going to be someone's second wife someday....I do not know why this is....

I also have the feeling that I am someday going to marry my first love....we shall see....

Sir Charles et al

2010-02-14T19:39:00.003-07:00

Everyone who has lived in the Phoenix area has a Charles Barkley and a Dan Majerle story, kinda like those who have lived in Atlanta have a Tom Glavine or [insert name of NBA player here] story. The settings of these stories is usually a strip club, but not always....

Guinness Gallery - Santa Barbara

2010-02-13T02:26:00.002-07:00

Guinness Gallery - Tempe

2010-02-13T02:11:00.002-07:00

Guinness Gallery - Redding

2010-02-12T22:38:00.003-07:00

Guinness Gallery - Minneapolis

2010-02-12T22:36:00.001-07:00

Saturday Night Impromptu Car Show

2010-02-12T22:11:00.009-07:00

Van Ness

2010-02-12T21:41:00.002-07:00

I want to go around and take a picture of every Van Ness Avenue in the United States and show how they are all different....for instance, Van Ness in SF is vastly different from the Van Ness here in Scottsdale....I like this idea.

Nebraska Devil is Gettin' Hitched

2010-02-12T21:30:00.002-07:00

Congrats on the nuptials.....

I give it four years......

Catching up with Smut....

2010-01-08T17:41:00.006-07:00

I am reading a back issue of my beloved US Weekly and am shaking my head at the frivolous lives some (most) of these people lead....I am also noting the fragility of the human life and the incessant whims these people indulge in....

The issue I am reading is dated December 21st, 2009 which means I received it in my tiny mailbox here in Phoenix on December 12th. Since the publication of this issue, there are two changes that have occurred swiftly, one meaningless and the other heartbreaking:

1. On page 31 there is a photo of Brittany Murphy at an event in Beverly Hills on December 1st. When she posed for that photo, did she know she was going to die of still unknown causes in 19 days? So sad....

2. On page 51 there is a photo of Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez strolling in Notting Hill, London December 1st. Their breakup was officially confirmed a week later.

That's all, I just wanted to point that out....

TebowMania

2009-05-31T18:31:00.003-07:00

I had this thought the other night while watching Game 5 of the Cleveland-Orlando series--as much as Dwight Howard does for his team and as well as his team has been doing, the player that gets all of the media attention still remains to be LeBron....which is cool, he's a cool guy, he's marketable, etc. It got me to thinking about who's marketable and who's not--in sports especially. Which led me to think about Tim Tebow (although it doesn't take much prodding to get me to think about Tebow) and what he's going to accomplish this football season, his senior season, his last foray into the college game. With all the pressure lying on his hefty shoulders, he will still manage to field the media expertly, be the second athlete to ever win the Heisman twice and repeat his victorious national title run. So to all the college football fans out there, prepare yourselves for the up and coming media storm this season that will be TebowMania....it's going to be quite a ride :)

It's Not You, It's Me.....Or Is It?

2009-04-12T17:57:00.003-07:00

I cannot continue to date 2008's beau because he told me he wears bicycle shorts while riding his bike. I also would never be able to attend a sporting event with him for fear of him orchestrating a drunken brawl.

It would never work out with the Cleveland spring training game doot I met last year because I would always want his friend, Relish, instead.

Most Imaginative Director Alive Today

2009-04-12T17:54:00.004-07:00

His movies are quirky, detailed, thought provoking--they attach themselves to your heart strings and don't let go. His characters are hilarious yet sad, sometimes in despair but still intelligent, extremely witty and very funny. His sets are intricate, everything thought out to the last detail and everything is perfect. He has made 5 movies and the moment after I finish his latest work of art, I find myself wanting more right away....

Wes Anderson, you are one of my heros....your films touch me the way they are meant to...

Words of Wisdom

2009-04-12T17:38:00.002-07:00

These are choice words of wisdom garnered from a commencement address and they affect me every time I read them:

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made an the difference in my life."

"Don't lose faith. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

Get well soon Mr. Jobs.

Goals & Aspirations 1-13

2009-04-12T13:30:00.007-07:00

1. I want to be rich so I can live in Ireland and take care of my family and have a big ranch with a couple cows, a smattering of chickens, a dozen dogs, a couple of cats, a couple sheep, a pig or two, a beautiful garden and an underground darkroom.

2. I want to take my Dad on a fly fishing trip, somewhere he's never fished before. I'm thinking Idaho.

3. I want to take my Mom on a trip to Ireland like she did for me when I was in college. I think I was a little too young back then to appreciate the mother-daughter time and would like to repay her with another trip, this time with my heart in the right place.

4. I want to find Igor, Janos and Bruno and snog them like I should've done last summer.

5. I want to write a novel, the title being a large backwards K on the cover but on the New York Times Bestseller List it will be listed as Struck Out Looking.

6. I want to meet Sandy Koufax & Tim Tebow, but each for different reasons.

7. I want my own radio show.

8. I want to take my sister on a trip to Australia for a month.

9. I want to forgive certain boys who weren't very nice to me in the end.

10. I want to publish an entire book of my personal photography.

11. I want to become a philanthropist and furnish all schools around the world with books.

12. I want to become a teacher and take a group of kids to European countries every summer.

13. I would like to pay off all of my debt in a timely manner.

Sloppy Seconds

2009-04-12T13:08:00.002-07:00

I have left baseball once before and I swore I would never go back....Billy Beane broke my heart and I didn't think I could ever forgive him or the game he so orchestrated....and I honestly believe I will never return to it at the level I used to maintain....that isn't because of my personal choices, more because of how the game has changed. As the first games are being played this week to open up the 2009 season I find myself being strangely drawn to it once again. As of right now I cannot explain why....I think part of the reason is that although my interest has waned, my knowledge has not and when yesterday I found myself engaged in baseball banter over a pint of Guinness I felt something inside of me stir that I decided to finally acknowledge. Part of the reason might of been the cutie Justin who was politely indulging my rants but the other reason, the main reason is one that I haven't been wanting to admit for some time now....and that is that I just love it....I love talking about it, analyzing it, putting it down....I love talking about players I love and why (Tim Hudson because I witnessed him pretending to give Barry Zito a kiss at a radio show taping and it was the single most awesomest thing ever!!!) and players I hate and why (Dustin Pedroia because he always looks like he needs to take a shower)....I love talking about my outlandish theories (the real reason Alex Rodriguez chose to have season postponing surgery is because he hopes everyone will forget about his highly publicized trysts with Madonna by the time he returns next month, but he is going to discover he is sorely mistaken) and my eternal distaste for the A's organization which I consider to be the "Quad-A" team of the major leagues.

Here's to the 2009 season. And since I don't have a team anymore, may your team win!

Nebraska Devil

2009-04-12T13:01:00.004-07:00

There is a boy who lives in Nebraska who broke my heart 2 months ago. When I first met him I thought he was cute and funny and I fell in love immediately. He wasn't the hottest or coolest guy I had ever hung out with but there was just something about him I couldn't explain that drew me to him. I honest to God wanted to marry him and I'm not even sure I'm the marrying type.

He came to visit and we shared a fabulous couple of days and he went back home and moved in with his girlfriend. I didn't find out until later (obviously) that he had cheated on his girlfriend with me. And this is my covert way of letting her know that her bf may not be who she thinks he is. I wish I could tell her--not for malicious reasons but just because I would want to know if I were her.

Good luck to you both.

R.I.P. Nick Adenhart

2009-04-12T12:43:00.003-07:00

I cannot imagine what his parents must be feeling right now....his family, his friends, all those who knew him....I cannot imagine the pain and frustration they must feel...I didn't know him, I hadn't even heard of him until this past week yet the thought of what happened to him still makes me cry....the senselessness....it makes me wonder what the point is, what is the lesson learned here?

My condolences to his family.

Please don't drink and drive.